Oh for Goodness Sake!!!!!!

Well guys it's been a LONG WEEK!!!!! I did accomplish alot this week but man oh man i had to fight really hard to finish my tasks!!!!! I did log some serious hours in this week!!!! Yay me!!! but... i gotta another long week to go!!! So today i will go to my friends funeral at 2:00 pm. Uggg!!!! Another good friend lost to the cancer fight!!!! Really pisses me off!!!! And i dont want to sound neggative or depressing ... but guys... let me tell you...this situation... is wearin me out!!!! I have thought about it over and over and over again. Is this fight that i am fighting ultimently going to end the same way???? Am i fighting for no reason??? Ugggg!!!!! Well either way... I am going to continue to fight!!! Part of me wants to think poor Aaron!!!!! but then there is that part of me that says... Good for Aaron now he can rest!!!! See where i am coming from??? Way to many emotions!!!!! Ok well enough of that!!!! Now to get some laundry done!!!! Love you all!!!! MUAH!!!!!!

Mi Vida Loca

Welcome to my crazy life..... So I survived another 4th of July although at moments i thought i was surviving by a piece of thread!!! I was pretty darn exhausted before we went out to the park...but then i just got even more tired!!!! First my son Kameron was persistent on taking his dog Kipper with us. Which i was ok with. But once there when the first firework went off so did the dog!!!!! So the entire time was spent looking for the KIPPER!!!! and yes ppl he was on a leash!!! Still it was crazy and after about an hour of looking and not finding my 11 year old started to fall apart... not a gd thing... I felt horrible... so we continued to look and Thanks to my good ole friend Allison we found the dog!!!! Yeah!!!!1 Then it was off to let the kids shoot some fireworks of their own!!!! Which was pretty darn entertaining!!!!! I did get into a much over do conversation with someone i care alot about...(no not a man)... to find out that the way i handle things in my life is by turning into this "SuperBitch of a person" ... pretty tough to swallow!!!! But perhaps she is right!!! If i do its not because i try it is just the only way i know how to get through it!!! All in all it was a pretty gd holiday but next year???? Maybe something very low key!!!! I have found that i am getting closer and closer to my daughter Kelly!!! Kind of starting to worry about this... she is just 16!!! I dont want to make her too grown up!!! Hope that hasnt already happened!!! I remember thinkin that i would parent so different from what my parents did... and i did... odd thing is i am not reallly sure the outcome was that different!!! Hope everyone has a gd week!!! Let's see what is going to go on with me this week!!! This song by the way is a perfect title for me!!! ...." I'll go where the wind blows you can't tame a wild rose...welcome to my crazy life!!!!""

Yumm Scrumm!!!!

Well lunch was fabulous!!!!! My nephew and his very handsome friend grilled burgers and fries for lunch and they were yummy!!!! Isn't it funny how some ppl just have that knack????? Well i was very impressed because they are only 17!!!! Food was soooo gooodddd!!!!!! Now i am taking a little rest!!!! That is the dark side of this Damn Cancer!!!!!! Constantly have to take breaks!!!!! It is like your mind wants to go go go but your body is like yeah i dont think so!!!! So you spend alot of time layin down!!!! Totally SUX!!!!!! Big time!!!!!! Hopefully i will get my third wind within the hour!!!! Its like having to charge your phone.... that is the best way i can describe it!!! You know your driving down the road and in good conversation and your phone just dies!!! Yep that is a good example of how Cancer makes you feel!!!!! OK well maybe i will see some of you tonite!!!!

So far so good....

Well i did manage to get up and get dressed!!!!! This is huge for me today!!!! So far today i have found out that my kiddos are not particularly found of this holiday and pretty much just go along with it for my sake. Which really kid of saddens my heart!!!!! If i allow myself to and i try not to... i guess it was the same way with my x-husband. I am going to miss those great hamburgers he would grill... I got to thinkin that i better get on with life soon. Kelly will be leaving in a few years and then it will be just me and Kam.... not a bad thing ....but wow then when he leaves it will be just me.... Ever stop and wonder what your purpose is???? Well i am pretty sure mine is to be able to enjoy these children. They are the only thing by far that i have ever done right!!!! Dont get me wrong i have had a good life... some things i would change.... i would be nicer if i could start again... somethings i wouldnt... even if i knew it would cause me alot of pain.... but those babies.... they were the reason that God breathed life into me!!!! I love my family...every last single one!!!! I am getting pretty hungry so i am gonna go and try to grill some burgers which will be a challenge for me because i totally suck at cookin!!!! Always have.... my mother and i had this perfect arrangement when i was a teen... i cleaned and she cooked!!!! and she was like the best cook ever!!!! ummm her potato salad was the bomb.... i tried to make it for easter and my GodFather thought the mashed potatoes were really good!!!! Yeah.... see what i mean????

Live today

Oh what a weekend.... I don't even know where to start... so i guess i will just let go!!!! First of all i have been a wreck since yesterday when i found out that 2 ppl i know that are young and have been struggling with illnesses passed away!!!! There is that damn theory that ppl die in 3's and while i feel just fine.... i found myself waking up last night to check and see if i am alive. Mind you i made it through the whole surgery ect and really didnt fear that... but then a week later here i am and yeah.... i dont know maybe this is just part of it????? Well glad i got that off my chest!!!! Okay... now on with the 4th of July activitities!!!! We are going to grill, watermelon seed spit, and some kind of races, face painting of course and then fireworks!!!!!! Have a happy and safe 4th guys!!!!!! Muah!!!!!!

Feeling Blue

Well today has brought many feelings up and stirring.... this battle has caused me to stay in Cuero for the 4th of JULY which i havent done since my divorce 3 years ago.... I think i am a creature of habit... i dont like change much not even if it is for the better!!!!!! So my thoughts are of 4th of July where we would decorate the kids bikes and have this neighborhood parade lead by the VFW. Just walking the neighborhood and playing patriotic music.... then we would have refreshments in the neighbors back yard followed by a nap and then off to the park to the grassy knoll to watch the fireworks. Again kelly would tumble on the ground and Kam would play frisbee. AHHHH those where the good ole days!!!! Oh and i would require my kids to wear these goofy flag headbands.... So we are here and there is no neighborhood parade to go to... I will still make them wear head gear but this year it will be bandannas and matching shirts!!!! Last year i didnt want 4th of July pics of them with me in them because of the breast cancer but this year yes i think we will do a 4th pic of the 3 of us. We may look back years from now and think wow how did we do that!!! So I am hoping my family will come in and make some memories with us!!!! It would have been nice if my neighbors would have been home too!!!! So we will see how i manage to pull through this weekend!!!! HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYS THEIR 4TH!!!!! Remember those that have served and are serving!!!!! If its your brother, husband, or son.... Thank you!!!!

July 2,2010

Well today turned out to be very productive....got alot of things done!!! Enjoying the rainy weather with the kiddos!!!!! Logged in some work hours today and watched the best movie ever with my babies.... went to Old Navy today to get some holiday shirts and when i was checking out the cashier asked if i had Cancer?????? The obvious i guess was the no hair. So of course i answer yes and she breaks down because she just lost her dad to lymphoma!!!!! I didnt even know how to respond. I stopped in my tracks and Thanked God because at that moment i realized it could have so gone the other way for me!!!! Praise the Lord it didnt!!!! I just really wish that someone would find a cure to this dark disease!!!! All in all today was a good day!!!

July 1st 2010

So.... Since we came home from the hospital things have been somewhat different. Pretty much kelkel has been in charge. I have a 1:30 am medication I have to take for brain swelling and she keeps me on the tight schedule!!!! So last night we are in bed and she just gets up and I'm like Kel where are you going???? She was like I will be right back I have to go to a hair speech.... I could tell she asleep so I was like ok.... Then she comes back and I asked how it went and she replied really gd mom. Then within the hour she is up again ding something at the bed side table... I am like Kel what are you doin???? She replies, I am taking this tumor out... I am almost done!!! I was like ok!!! She hands me my pill with a glass of water and says drink.... Which I did!! Then she says all gd mom I got all the tumor!!! So I said ok gd nite. Meanwhile Kam is on the Chaise Lounge snoozing!!!! But I did sleep really well last night!!! Aren't we a pretty commical family???? Then the alarm went off this am and Kam voted for sleeping in and enjoying the rainy weather!!

The Start of Something New

ok i really dont know if this is going to work but hey we will give it a good try... as most of you know i was dx with breast cancer May 2009, things got really crazy with a masectomy, chemo, and radiation.... then when all the treatment was done... guess what.....yep a 15 day headache confirmed a Brain Tumor... so with all this on my mind i have decided to blog about it!!! Hope you enjoy the read!!!!